Milkshakes at Midnight

there is a rotted spot

on my faux leather seat

left by you.

I remember being so excited

that we

could have moments like these,

special connections (established)

(memories) made on fake ostrich skin;

the energy between us so palpable

I thought they’d feel it in the drive-thru.

but our moments

never lasted too long-

did they?

they weren’t ever good enough

didn’t deserve a solid finish.

we sat in your drive way

taking things too far

letting our voices get the best of us

filters non-existent

we dug into one another

like a tweezer to the eye.

I let you let your emotions

get the best of you,

and you let me retaliate in

kind.

How kind.

I could feel your heart breaking

in the seat next to mine

but I let it go on

let you stain my faux leather seat

let you fill my happy place

with agony

I dug my fingernail

into the cuticle of my thumb

heard you on the verge of tears

asked myself the same questions

(sought out the same answers)

you were demanding of me.

I couldn't kiss you

couldn’t touch you

couldn’t use my words

to comfort you

because I wanted to hold your heart

but I was busy keeping mine together

It didn’t matter if I loved you

If I cried over you

If I’d die for you

I didn’t want to fuck you.

And that was all that mattered to you.

I’ve tried so hard

to forget that night

but not hard enough to

clean up that spot

left on my faux leather seat.

I was too proud

to clean up

another mess you made.

(Next time, you drive.)